The Master Cleanse: A Memoir

Oh, boy, do I have a story for YOU


With all of the health commercials flooding the TV because of the New Year, I felt like this story is very timely. I don’t know about you, but I don’t really feel the urge to be healthy at the beginning of the year because it’s flipping cold out and all I want to do is Netflix binge and eat to put more meat on the bones to stay warm.

But once it starts getting warmer and you can see sweet ole’ summer peeking its head around the corner that’s when I go into health overdrive and start getting motivated (too bad this doesn’t last long but that’s just another story in itself).

Well, one year, back in my college days, I wanted to get healthy for summer and look my best so what better way to do this than a cleanse! And not just any cleanse but the mother of all cleanses. The Master Cleanse.

Also known as the Lemonade Diet that Beyonce did back before her album Lemonade dropped and now I’m having an epiphany moment and wondering if this was part of her inspo for that album…

Most likely not but who knows!

Anyway, The Master Cleanse is simple and wreaks havoc on the body so why not do it? You drink “lemonade” aka Lemon squeezed into water, syrup (this is what sold me let’s be real) with Cayenne pepper. You can also drink herbal laxatives and mix in sea salt in either drink. Drink that and eat nothing for 10 days.

Now before you completely shake your head at me let me start off by saying I did a ton of research before I attempted to completely starve my body of any nutrients needed to survive. I watched Youtube videos, read reviews, and even bought a book about it! Side note: reading some reviews should’ve turned me away because I’m pretty sure these people feeling all weightless and euphoric was their body shutting down and on the verge of death. But I was determined at this point. I also hadn’t completely lost my mind and just start drinking this stuff one Day 1, you need to first ween your body off of food (naturally) and that in itself is 3 days of masterminding.

I started by removing any processed food and basically ate tuna and that was it. I ate something else but can’t think of it because this fiasco was about 7 years ago but a head’s up, where this story is going it’s helpful to know that I wasn’t replenishing my body with one of the most basic nutrients a human body needs: Water. Sure, I was drinking water but nothing more than what I normally would. I also realize that you are probably supposed to take some weird, black market vitamins that I never even bothered to look into.

I headed to Trader Joe’s and stocked up on my torture devices for the next 10 days: Lemons, lots of lemons, organic “Grade B” syrup, and cayenne. To this day, I still wonder if the cashier knew what I was doing and prayed for me to make it out alive.

The first 2 “wean-off-of-solid-food-you’re-crazy” days weren’t terrible probably because I had completely brainwashed myself at this point that I was doing this cleanse and there was no backing out now. Here’s where the story starts to get good:

Day 3

Okay, I got this as I said to myself which is something you tell yourself when you totally do not got this.

Day 3 is absolutely no solid food and just drinking freshly squeezed orange which tastes like pure sugar after the 2 days of eating barely nothing. I did find that Juice Stop had the best fresh squeezed orange juice btw.

So it was a Friday or Saturday night and I think and everyone had left school for summer break so there wasn’t a party I could miss (thank gawd) so I went to a Red Box, rented a couple movies to keep myself from thinking about food and GUESS WHAT ONE OF THE MOVIES I RENTED WAS?

Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs.

WTF. I blame the lack of solid nutrients in making me completely insane. I don’t typically torture myself I swear.

So just as you would’ve guessed, that night sucked. But as I got all my little supplies laid out for the coming morning and made my first cup of laxative tea, I felt a sense of excitement basically because I wanted to know what the heck that “lemonade” was really going to taste like. I think I did make a small batch that night just to taste and it was not that good. “Oh well, it must just be because I made a small batch and not the right amount”, I told myself. Yeah right, girlfriend.

Day 4, Morning of Lemonade Day 1:

(About to get TMI) I woke up that morning around 7 am and felt a huge urge to go potty and I’ll let you do the math on that one.

I’m feeling a little crappy, light-headed, you know, those types of things.

Then it happens.

I black out and start shaking and in my head, I know exactly what was going on but couldn’t control it: I was having a seizure.


NO bikini is worth a seizure!! What have I done to myself?!!

Luckily, I survived. The Master Cleanse Gods rid of me and knew I couldn’t handle the suffering of Beyonce’s diet. I didn’t continue with the cleanse (finally, coming to the little senses I had left). After the seizure, I was extremely tired so I drank some water and went back to sleep. I woke up a couple hours later and drank more water and was careful to not just introduce junk food back into my destroyed temple. I ended up surviving and I can say that I felt pretty light and amazing. Minus feeling the diet grim reaper upon me during the seizure, I felt pretty cleansed if you will.

So here’s what I recommend if you decide to conquer the Master Cleanse…

Don’t Do it.

I could have just ate “clean” and drink water and green tea and would’ve gotten the same effect minus a seizure.

I Tried B12 Shots for 6 Weeks and Here’s What Happened

Oh my gosh, I hate titles like I just created above where it ends in “…and here’s what happened” but I wanted to try it out myself to see if that actually gets people to click. 🙂

First off, I’m going to ruin the parade right off the bat by saying I didn’t lose any weight from doing this. I think it’s a common misconception that it’s only a weight loss aid. It probably could work really well, but mixed with diet and exercise and maybe more vitamins. Also, you will probably have to do it for many months before noticing a drastic (if any) weight loss.

BUT it did do something pretty cool 🙂

So how did I get to the point of walking in and getting one? Well, I’ve always wanted to try it and I saw one of those local deals of a company in Lincoln giving five shots away for $25 – HECK YEAH! So I signed up. I went to Regeneration, P.C. which I highly recommend! I loved it there and was in and out in like 5 minutes and the same lady always did my shot and was super nice.

I did not realize it was the same place you go to get botox, so that was a shocker! Ha! I went every week at the same time and like I mentioned, it literally takes a couple minutes – you’re in and out so fast so it’s perfect for before work or during your lunch break.

Now, why B12 shots???

If you’re lacking in B12, this is what you get! You can take B12 supplements, but the shots goes straight into your muscle tissue to help make healthy red blood cells. You also retain almost all of the shot! This source states “none of it gets lost in the digestive process. For comparison’s sake, a B12 tablet leave you with only 1.2% of the B12 tablet. A shot will lose very little, if any.”

It also helps your functioning cardiovascular system and central nervous system (this would explain the mood-boosting element of the shot).

And of course, it increases your metabolism, which can help aid in weight loss (IF you are already on a proper diet regimen, it can help speed up the weight loss).

What happened to me?

I don’t believe I am actually lacking in B12 so I was curious if I would even notice anything. The lady giving me the shots said it would take a couple weeks to really notice anything. Honestly, it wasn’t a drastic difference but I did feel a tad different after the second week. I noticed that my mind was a little sharper (but I was also reading more, so I just figured that had something to do with it), then I mentioned that to the nurse and she said it helps improve memory, so maybe it was the B12! I did feel that for the weeks following to.

I was only supposed to have 5 shots, but they messed up and said I still had remaining shots, so I just went with it (hehe) so I had 6! After the fourth one, I noticed that I would be in a pretty great mood after the shots. I always got them done on Thursday mornings before work, so I always tried scheduling work calls after because I was always pretty dang chipper!!

Would I do it again? Heck yes, I do think it does good things to your body that you will notice, but not drastically. It’s not a flick of a switch type thing, you just start to notice you feel good after the shots. They aren’t that badly priced either, but still too much for me to pay and drive every week. If I could walk there each week, I wouldn’t stop getting B12 shots! (I work and live blocks away from each other – so I never drive) 😉

*I forgot to mention, for those who don’t like shots, these are pretty quick and painless. I had my shots in the arm, but I’ve heard that you can get them in other places. I usually barely felt the poke, minus a couple times, but it wasn’t bad.

I wanna know, though, has anyone else had these and did you notice any changes?


Vegan Tortilla Soup

Even though it’s 108,000 degrees outside, I still crave this soup. It’s soooo good. It makes you feel good too because you’re using the finest ingredients in all the land! ( pairs well with a nice glass of wine to take the health meter down a bit too. )

I stumbled on this recipe while ATTEMPTING to do the mini Arbonne 14-day cleanse ( interested? Ask me about it! Most people do the 30 day cleanse ) and now, I make it ALL DA TIME because it’s super easy, even for me! And it’s cheap, makes a lot and is really tasty!

This recipe is gluten-free and vegan. You can get super intense and make all the ingredients organic too. I usually just use what I find and ball on a budget.


Here it is! Sorry about the pictures, they aren’t as good as I wanted because I totally forgot I wanted to blog it until I was almost finished mixing it together. Derp.

( Serves 8-10 )

2 cans vegetable broth (low sodium)
2 cans stewed tomatoes
2 cans of pinto beans, drained and rinsed
2 cans of black beans, drained and rinsed
24 oz Picante or salsa
1 small-medium, diced 
2 TBS homemade taco seasoning (see below)


1 T chili powder
1 T ground cumin
1 T garlic powder
1 T onion powder
1/4 T crushed red pepper

Mix seasonings together


1. Add all of these ingredients ( minus spices ) to the crockpot or to a large pot.

2. Wait until it’s done! Add the spice. DONZO.


I don’t have an exact time on the crockpot, I just do it a few hours to get it hot. *says people who don’t cook.

Have You Ever Thought of Bodybuilding??

G U E S S  W H A T ??

I’m SOO excited to write this post about my very best friend, Delaney!! She’s as beautiful on the inside as she is out and she always reminds me to get my butt in check and eat healthy and take care of myself. She’s even created a trendy fitness clothing line called Arm Candy Fitness AND competed in bodybuilding and WON her very FIRST time!! I mean, this girl is on fire! I wanted to elaborate more on her fitness with bodybuilding because even I’M curious. So why not a little Q+A?

+ While training for your competition, what did your training schedule look like?

During the training process I trained 6/7 days a week. I usually took Sunday off to give my “muscles” a rest. I would train weights every day and do cardio twice a day (20-30 min increments). My cardio fluctuated depending on my body fat.

+ What would your average day of food look like?

I would eat every 2-3 hours with high protein fuel such as chicken and ground turkey. Unfortunately, I do not care for fish. I would also eat lots of veggies such as spinach and asparagus. Eating so often helps speed up your metabolism. The best part of training was being able to eat Reese’s peanut butter cups the day of the competition! ( Side note: Say wha? )

+ What was your usual cheat meal indulgence?

During competition training nothing…I guess peanut butter ha. Now that I am just maintaining I have a cheat meal every Sunday….I LOVE PIZZA!

+ What was your favorite food or meal during training?

Turkey meatballs…yum! ( Recipe below! Recipe below!!) TURKEY _GoodOne

+ How long did you train for the competition?

I trained for 8 weeks for both competitions I was in. I think I would need 12-16 weeks for  my best results. 

+ What was the hardest part of training for the competition?

Following a very strict meal plan was difficult. It was very challenging trying to consume 2500 calories worth of HEALTHY foods. I carried a lunch bag everywhere I went. 

+ What was your “victory” meal after the competition?

Pizza, donuts and an adult beverage 😉

+ Are you going to compete again?

I would love to compete again. Due to the extreme popularity now I want to make sure I have the time to fully commit 110% to training. I would like to dedicate a minimum of 16 weeks next time.

+ Anything else?

I certainly do not look anything like a body builder but I do enjoy the feeling of getting stronger and living a fairly healthy lifestyle.  I still have a lot of progress to be made to compare to the seasoned bikini competitors but that is the beauty of the fitness world, everyone is accepted for their own progression.

Here’s Delaney winning her first competition in 2010!! >>> 2010fitness

Homemade “Healthier” Ranch


No more hidden ( fattening ) valley Ranch! Believe me, I love this stuff. I used to hate it and only keep my salad dressing loyalty to Dorothy Lynch but alas, I’ve given in. I admit, I dip my pizza in ranch and I’ve even dipped popcorn in it ( don’t knock it till you try it ).

I then found a healthier alternative to this weird addiction. Here it is:



1 cup of plain greek yogurt
1 packet of Ranch seasoning
1/2 cup of 1% milk


1. Whisk it all together
2. Let it chill in the fridge for a bit and enjoy!


>> So in love with Ranch like me? Try these “crack” pretzels <<

YouTube Yoga!

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YOOO!!(ga) <– I’m sorry, I couldn’t resist.

So it all started my freshman year of college when a friend introduced me to yoga. I’ll never forgot how I felt after my first class. I felt reborn! NO JOKE. It was amazinggg! I was pretty hooked. I did Vinyasa flow at out campus rec almost every Monday, Wednesday & Friday. It was great. I felt awesome, but I was also a few years younger, so my body probably didn’t hurt as easily as it does now after working out… *cue cracking bones*

ANYWAY. During the next couple years my schedule got a lot busier and I didn’t frequent yoga class as much as I used to. When I would get back in a yoga phase though it would be great and I felt better! Now, I don’t think I can run without incorporating yoga into my routine. My body officially hates me when I don’t do yoga, I swear. I’ll sometimes try to hit up the YMCA yoga classes but I’m not gonna lie, I can’t get myself to focus and settle down anymore (except I do love a good Savasana!) So that’s why I LOVE YouTube yoga. It can be as quick as 10 minutes!! 10 MINUTES PEOPLE!!!!! BOOYA!! WIN WIN WIN! Here’s some of my faves:

I. 20 Min.Yoga Detox:
Whenever I feel bloated or just a little out of whack with my body, I do this!

II. 30 Min. Wake Up Yoga:
When I feel like busting a sweat!

III. 20 Min. Morning Yoga:
A shorter version 🙂

IV. Bedtime Yoga
Sometimes you just need a good flow before you sleep!

V. Yoga for Runners
Like I said earlier, if I don’t do yoga when I run, I’ll most likely hurt myself. #realtalk

VI. 10 Minute Yoga
nuff said.

Need more? Whatever ailment you’re having (a hangover counts) just search for it on YouTube, most likely you’ll find what you’re looking for!

Do you do YouTube yoga? Do share! 🙂 

My Fave: Supps

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For those who don’t already know, I love supps. I work for a supp company so it’s only natural I have my faves. Here’s some of them that I take just about everyday! 🙂

I. YouTheory Revive: There’s aloe vera in this amazing stuff, and I LOVE aloe!!!!! It gives you a good ole’ boost of energy and gets everything regulating in your body after you take it for a week or so! It’s good stuff, highly recommend it!

II. Powercrunch Proto Whey: THIS. STUFF. TASTES. AMAZING. that is all.

III. Wiley’s Finest Fish Oil: So I totally believe in fish oil, I can seriously tell when I haven’t been taking it. Also, I’ve tried tons of brands and this one is the best. No fish burps, you can tell it’s working. I’m tellin’ ya I refuse to have my fish oil any other way. It’s also wild alaskan fish, so it’s good! 😉

IV. Quest Bars: OH MAN. If you haven’t had a Quest bar yet, you’re seriously missing out!! They are candy bars to me! For realz, I have to hold myself back from eating more than I should. My fave? Cookies and cream!

V. PuraSun: So I came across this gem in an article about “French Beauty Secrets”. So I bought it. Lol, typical. It basically allows your skin to retain the sun better, and you can get tan easier and not sit out in it for hours and get burnt.

VI. Vitamin-D: I saved the best for last. If I’m stuck with one supp the rest of my life, I choose Vitamin D! I literally can tell when I don’t take this. Especially living in the midwest during the cold season, you NEED this! I just love Vitamin D 🙂

I’m sure I missed some other great supps, what are they? What’s your must have?

Hip Hop Yoga

Wait… “hip hop yoga”? Who knew there was such a thing!

How have I not known about this? I’m a  little mad at life for not finding this earlier. This sounds like the sweetest thing EVER!!!!!!


This is beautiful. Literally brings a tear to my eye…

Now I just need to find a hip hop yoga class in Nebraska. (wish me luck)