This might become a 20-part series because of all the thoughts that run through my brain while watching The Bachelor. Before you knock it and tell me it’s brain damaging, let me tell you something. It keeps you on the tip of your toes! (Even though you start to realize it’s also way over-dramatized like every season that came before it). Oh well! I’m just going to sit here and pump out a blog post while watching tonight’s episode. Enjoy! Please share your favorite moments in the comments so we can laugh together and make fun of this show.

Thoughts:

How does everyone look so healthy and skinny? Don’t they just drink a lot and they have to share space with all these people, how are they maintaining such great hygiene? I would have like 10 pimples, be bloated, and have greasy hair from avoiding trying to steal the shower from someone else. I bet there’s always cold water.

Girl #1: “You just have to get competitive to get time with him. That’s what we signed up for.”
Girl #2: “Hi Nick, can I steal you for a second?”
Girl #1: “OMG! I hate her. I can’t believe she thinks she can just take time with him. We have to share.” *cries*

When Nick goes back to his hometown do you think he really personally knows all those people in his hometown? It’s Milwaukee that’s a big city and you just so happen to know the pastry chef? No.

WAIT. An ex just appeared right after I typed that! NO WAY. This just can’t be real. Have you seen the movie The Interview? Where the fake grocery store appears in North Korea? That is how this town “date” feels.

I want to like Nick but then he says stuff like, “Uh, I had a couple firsts here… with girls”. Really? Are you trying to brag? That might not be first date material. 

I honestly just don’t know what to say about Corrine. I just needed to say at least something here because she can’t be ignored. Don’t you think she’s just forced to stay on this because she makes it drama filled? I wouldn’t be surprised at all if that’s how this show works. Correction, that is definitely how this show works.

I can’t believe some of those people are in their early 20’s. That is just insane to me. It’s like the Real World. I can’t watch it anymore because they are younger than me and I used to look at them like they were super old. 

The awkward moment someone reads your name on a date card… “Woooo!”… “Wooo” …”Yay!” …”Woo!”

“Oh, I’m so happy for you… you have a one on one!!!!” – a girl hiding behind so many angry feelings 

I love how the million dollar question whenever they are on a date is asking why they are on this show. It’s like they lowkey know that this show probably won’t help and they have to be crazy to think it will.

One of my pet peeves: “I have a surprise for you!” FALSE. The producers of ABC paid lots of money for you to do this one thing.

Question. Someone please answer this for me. How come when they go on those dates where there’s a huge audience, someone doesn’t spill the beans and spoil it? I’m assuming a contract, but that’s a lot of people! 

How awkward is it to dance and kiss in front of 1,000+ people? No thanks.

Corrine at the farm just reassured me that she is being paid to be on The Bachelor. There’s no way this is real life.

“We’re in Wisconson and I couldn’t be happier.” – an actual girl on this show. Yeahhhh keep telling yourself that!

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“Do you call this immature? *While grabbing her boobs*” – Corrine
Wait, what?

Fake laughs. Fake laughs everywhere!

Oh hell no. She just called herself a Cornhusker (Corrine). NO! You can’t be!!

Vanessa has already won. I call it. 

How long do you think they sit around drinking while Nick talks to each person individually? How are they not wasted.

Dawg. Christina. I LIKE HER!!! Where did she come from???

“I had a lot of fun,” – Corrine *who actually said the date was the worst and ran away and hated life on the farm*
OKAY

The amount of girls who run and jump into Nick’s arms… #CORNY

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“Nick go skate around by yourself for a bit” – producer 

“Okay, everyone clear the floor and watch these adults make out.” – producer to the kids at the skating rink

HOLY SHIZ RAVEN’S STORY

Ohhh the drama when someone who already has a rose asks for more attention. 

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That’s all I got, folks! Next week I’ll be sure to drink vino at the same time to get better enhanced thoughts. 

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